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Jokes

Here you can shitpost your jokes that are somehow related to this wiki's topic. Just watch out for copyright (no copy-pasting jokes from other sites)!

Please do NOT post lame "big-bang-theory"/9gag jokes like sudo make sandwich or there are 10 types of people.

{ Many of the jokes are original, some are shamelessly pulled from other sites and reworded. I don't believe copyright can apply if the expression of a joke is different, ideas can't be copyrighted. Also the exact origins of jokes are difficult to track so it's probably a kind of folklore. ~drummyfish }

C++
What's the worst kind of lag? Gulag.
Ingame chat: "What's the country in the middle of north Africa?" {BANNED}
What sound does an angry C programmer make? ARGCCCC ARGVVVVVVVV
I have a mentally ill friend who tried to design the worst operating system on purpose. It boots for at least 10 minutes, then it changes the user's desktop background to random ads and it randomly crashes to make the user angry. He recently told me he is getting sued by Microsoft for violating their look and feel.
Do you use Emacs? No, I already have an operating system.
alias bitch=sudo
a joke for minimalists:
Political activists walk into a bar. Pseudoleftist tells his friends: "hey guys, how about we have oppressive rulers and call them a government?" Capitalist says: "well no, let's have oppressive rulers and call them corporations". Liberal replies: "Why not both?". Monarchist goes: "no, it's all wrong, let's have oppressive rulers and call them Kings." To this pseudo communist says: "that's just shit, let's have oppressive rulers and call them the proletariat". Then anarcho pacifist turns to them and says: "Hmmm, how about we don't have any oppressive rulers?". They lynch him.
There are a lot of jokes at https://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes/.
Does the invisible hand exist in the free market? Maybe, but if so then all it's doing is masturbating.
90% of statistics are fake.
When will they remove the touch and kill commands from Unix? Probably when they rename man pages to person pages.
If law was viewed as a programming code, it would be historically the worst case of bloated spaghetti code littered with magic constants, undefined symbols and dead code, which is additionally deployed silently and without any testing. Yet it's the most important algorithm of our society.
At the beginning there was machine code. Then they added assembly on top of it to make it more comfortable. To make programs portable they created an operating system and a layer of syscalls. Except it didn't work because other people made other operating systems with different syscalls. So to try to make it portable again they created a high-level language compiler on top of it. To make it yet more comfortable they created yet a higher level language and made a transpiler to the lower level language. To make building more platform independent and comfortable they created makefiles on top of it. However, more jobs were needed so they created CMake on top of makefiles, just in case. It seems like CMake nowadays seems too low level so a new layer will be needed above all the meta-meta-meta build systems. I wonder how high of a tower we can make, maybe they're just trying to get a Guinness world record for the greatest bullshit sandwich in history.
How to install a package on Debian? I don't know, but on my Arch it's done with pacman.
Difference between a beginner and pro programmer? Pro programmer fails in a much more sophisticated manner.
What's a computer? A device that can make a hundred million mistakes per second.
Cool statistics: 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape.
Boss: "We're going to need to store additional information about gender of all 1600 people in our database." Me: "OK that's only 200 extra bytes.". Diversity department: "You're fired."
the downto operator

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Jokes

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