less_retarded_wiki

Suicide

{ I hate disclaimers but I'm not advising you to commit fucking suicide, OK? I mean it's an option and sometimes it's the best option, but I want you to live if it's at least a little possible -- remember, LRS loves all life and all life is precious. We will all die, no need to rush it. Also if you're feeling like shit you can send me a mail, we can talk. ~drummyfish }

Suicide is when someone voluntarily kills himself. Suicide offers an immediate escape from capitalism and is therefore a kind of last-resort hope; it is one of the last remaining freedoms in this world, even though capitalists can't profit from dead people and so are working hard on preventing people from killing themselves (rather than trying to make them NOT WANT TO kill themselves of course).

Men die by suicide much more commonly than women: in 80% of cases a human that dies by suicide is man.

Suicide Methods (FOR SCIENTIFIC RESEARCHERS^LOL)

For SCIENCE RESEARCHERS: there is a text file describing suicide methods at http://textfiles.com/fun/suicide.txt. One site related to suicide that's being censored because it discussed methods of killing oneself is called sanctioned suicide (https://sanctioned-suicide.net).

There are also many activists promoting euthanasia for people to whom medicine can no longer help live without suffering, they call it "right to die". They even (controversially) provide info on how to best perform safe suicide if legal euthanasia isn't available.

For SCIENTIFIC RESEARCHERS: these are some highly scientifically researched methods of suicide for creating bleeding edge (pun intended) scientifically peer reviewed scientific papers for scientifically PREVENTING suicides (LMAO): { Again, please don't kill yourself if you don't have to :-) <3 ~drummyfish }

• legal euthanasia = best if available. This is just a no brainer: if one has the option to leave peacefully under the assistance of a medical professional, why choose anything else?
• wrist cutting (and heart stabbing etc.) = attention whoring, very low chance of success. It is known that cutting one's wrists rarely leads to death, it's almost impossible to cut very deep even if you want to, the body is just programmed to not let itself do it and especially feminine zoomers nowadays don't have any balls to do it, one will just create a bloody mess. Self stabbing oneself to death is seen sometimes but many times it's under the influence of drugs or extremely serious mental illness which just turns off all self preservation instincts. To bleed out it's not enough to cut a vein, one must hit the artery. The correct way to cut a wrist is in the direction ALONG the wrist, NOT in perpendicular direction -- the cuts must be extremely deep to be dangerous, however the best way is to target the artery on the neck or in groin. People often do it in hot bath as that increases blood flow and is also kind of less messy and possibly more comfortable (if that can even be said about the moment in which one is dying). Using ordinary knife won't work, it's never sharp enough, one has to use razor, but a small razor is hard to manipulate, so razor knife is ideal. Even so actually dying from cutting/stabbing oneself is very rare -- one paper gave a success rate of 4%.
• setting oneself on fire = extremely painful, slow, potentially unreliable method with the only advantage being getting attention; hence it is often used for political protests (see e.g. Palach). Not succeeding means spending the rest of one's life badly deformed, experiencing horrible pain every day.
• jumping from (VERY big) height = reliable (if done well), quick and painless serious attempt accessible to everyone. If a man truly wishes to die reliably, he will jump from a very, VERY big height -- the biggest skyscraper or bridge he can find, at least 10 stories or so (4 stories has 50% survival rate, 7 stories only 10%). He will ideally jump head first without looking down and contemplating the choice for too long (being slightly drunk may prevent backing out, but it may also increase the chance of actually deciding against the idea, so who knows) AND, importantly, trying to minimize the chance of hurting someone else down below (e.g. by choosing an area where few people walk). People that survived such attempts said the few seconds of flight were the most frightening experience of their life, one immediately regrets the jump, therefore closing one's eyes may be good. Success rate given by sources wasn't so big numerically -- some 60% -- but it's likely driven down by people who choose small heights, which is probably the only way one can fuck this method up. Having great height basically guarantees quick death without anything that could go wrong.
• jumping in front of a train = good choice if done right and one's will is strong, but can be risky. Some say it's safer to put one's head on the rails and get decapitated. In any case doing so in or near the train station is a very bad idea: slow train is a bad guarantee of success. It's important to choose a very fast train and go all in, backing away in last second may result in horrible injury or extremely slow death (check out gore sites, people split in half can be seen to live excruciatingly long). One must not walk on the tracks for a long time, waiting for the train, because nowadays there are cameras everywhere and there's a chance (low but still) you'll get spotted, reported and the incoming train will start braking -- hence people usually do this at night, they hide in a bush near the track and only jump in at the last moment. The train operator will be scarred for life, there may be better ways to leave. Success rate is around 78%.
• shooting oneself with a gun = serious attempt (biggest success rate), but must be done well, may not be so accessible, may fail with shaky hand. Outside of USA it may be hard to get a gun, especially for people with mental illness, but people have found a way around: going to the shooting range and borrowing a gun for target practice, then quickly shooting oneself. Despite relative high success rate -- 90% according to some sources -- still a surprising number of people survive shooting themselves to the head with a pistol, and they often end up living with horrible consequence, blinding themselves etc. Shotgun is much, MUCH more reliable -- basically a guaranteed success. Some choose to combine this with a fail safe, e.g. poisoning oneself beforehand (e.g. Hitler) or standing on the edge of a high building.
• drug overdose/poisoning = risky unreliable way, potentially painful, may be attention whoring. Success rate is similar to that of cutting -- very low, around 4% maybe. There is a high risk of being discovered because dying takes long. Results depends on the specific drug, dosage, luck and each individual, it may be very slow, completely ineffective, induce extreme pain AND/OR irreversible damage to liver etc. Poisoning may last for many DAYS before death comes, and it certainly isn't a pleasant time. The word goes that one must NOT swallow all pills at once (which will just result in a vomit), but slowly take them one by one over the course of some time. Mixing it with a bit of food (e.g. yogurt) can make it more bearable to eat so many pills (some taste very bad). Some also drink alcohol on top as that should increase the drug effect, but again, too much may increase probability of vomiting it all out. Some drugs commonly used or talked about (which doesn't mean they're a good choice) include paracetamol, aspirin, cyanide, sleeping pills, painkillers, rat poison, xanax, bleach, digitalis, colchicine, heroin, cocaine, paracetamol etc. Even plain water can cause poisoning and death, but one must drink A LOT of it.
• hanging = quite reliable and accessible but slow and painful method, nevertheless very popular. This is often chosen by people who have their freedom restricted, such as prisoners (one doesn't actually have to hang from the ceiling, a door handle is enough). One paper gave success probability of 84% -- again, a risk of failure is considerable and failing will likely result in serious brain damage. Risks include rope snapping or discovery. Even professional executions by hanging are infamously messy -- very precise calculations have to be made to ensure that the rope doesn't snap and the neck breaks quickly to prevent slow suffocation, however suffocation is what usually happens in hanging suicides -- this is painful and scary.
• drowning = WTF. Slow, scary, cold, hard to execute and excruciating painful death. Success probability is relatively high though: around 80%.
• starving to death = very slow but apparently some do it, often as a protest.
• car exhaust/hypoxia = hard to do nowadays (new cars have filters that prevent this). The same can potentially be achieved by letting a fire burn inside a sealed room (e.g. a stove), but this then also poses a big fire hazard etc. If unsuccessful one may end up being greatly retarded, blind and so on, and success is not nearly guaranteed -- one paper gave success rate at only 56%, i.e. a coin flip. The death with these methods happens due to carbon monoxide that deprives body of oxygen and leads to hypoxia -- hypoxia itself has often been described as one of the most pleasant ways of dying (one documentary even found it to be the ideal way of human execution) because it induces euphoria, i.e. one actually feels kind of joy and dizziness (which is part of why hypoxia is dangerous), HOWEVER it must be considered that the exhaust gas or stove smoke may actually be very unpleasant to breathe, so in the end it may turn out to go wrong. I.e. this is likely not a good idea either.
• seppuku (also known as harakiri) = traditional Japanese ritual suicide, extremely hard to execute, slow and painful, unusable, good only for memes.
• guillotine = the engineer's way, bonus points for style, may be very reliable but ONLY if done right, a nasty fuck up can easily happen. One must be super experienced with making machines and test his device very, VERY carefully. Unlike with executions there is no one to help in case something goes wrong, becoming a nearly headless Nick in the last moments of life wouldn't be a cool experience.
• suicide by cop = Popular in the USA, may be unusable in other parts of the world where cops aren't used to casually shoot at people every day. Can also be tricky and risky, may give the cop a traumatic experience. They may just injure you and put you in jail where you'll end up being raped every day. All in all not such a good idea.
• car crash = asshole method if kills someone else, may be fine when only safely killing self. A head-on crash into opposite traffic on a highway is quite likely to result in death, but it's also extremely evil as one takes other people with him, possibly a whole family, AND maybe even causing additional chain crash killing or injuring many, many more, that's just indescribably bad. Driving off of a VERY high cliff into a canyon or against a concrete wall somewhere where not many people walk would be much more ethical. There's always a chance of survival and experiencing the horror of staying trapped in a burning car. There have also been cases of pilots deliberately crashing planes as a method of suicide, sadly with many people on board. Some say it's safer to use seatbelt, otherwise there is a chance to just get ejected from the car, flying a long distance in air, losing kinetic energy, and then surviving the fall.
• freezing to death = rare, not much data.
• electrocution = rare besides movies, likely a bad idea. It's like setting oneself on fire but including paralyzing oneself and if done wrong (which is easy), one will end up just slowly roasting like a marshmallow. A fancy way for crazy people may be standing on top of a hill with metal rod during a storm, hoping for lightning to strike, but of course the chances are still slim of getting hit, yet lower to actually die.
• explosion = not very accessible but probably cool if you can pull it off somehow. Again, a huge explosion must be created else survival is possible. Then it's probably quick and painless.
• complex suicide = potentially good way to increase chance of success. This means just combining several methods at once, e.g. taking poison, then setting oneself on fire and quickly shooting self in the brain.
• rare, unusual, bizarre, nontraditional ways = depends. Some people may have access to methods that aren't commonly accessible to others but which may be the best choice in their situation: for example doctors or even just vets may simply use lethal injection. There were several cases of workers in factories jumping into pools of molten steel -- only God knows how fast and painful this is, but one thing is certain: this will probably stop the factory at least for the rest of the day and give coworkers a day off, so one will be remembered for this kind service to the fellow slaves. There were also cases of paraplegics taking advantage of the fact they can't feel pain in parts of their bodies, so they could easily stab themselves. Other ways of weird suicide may include e.g. zoo suicide (feeding the lions with oneself -- cruel and painful but entertaining to onlookers), jumping into plane engine, venomous snake bite, parachute jumping without the parachute, plane crash, sauna death, hydraulic press, jumping into boiling pools of water, eating glass, provoking mafia, insulting MMA fighter's mom, X ray overdose (for medical staff), triggering avalanche, running infinite marathon, jumping from waterfalls, swimming under ice, jumping overboard from a cruise ship, jumping into volcano, moving to Mexico, having sex over and over until heart attack (for old people), cooking oneself in the Sun (for albino people), crashing one's balls with a hammer, self cannibalism, listening to U2 for a whole day, nailgun, intentionally getting lost during caving, speeding on motorcycle with cheese cutter tied to a tree and put over the neck, handcuffing oneself to a tree deep in a forest and throwing away the keys (this actually happened), trebuchet, explosive decompression, nuking the city you're in (if you're the president), catching a lightning, chasing a tornado, trespassing on someone's property in the USA, jumping in front of a rally car, opening one's suit in space (if you're an astronaut), Internet suicide (just start expressing controversial thoughts like we do here), using cheap submarine to dive to Mariana trench and be crushed (super quick and painless) etc. A particularly funny suicide is described in Encyclopedia Dramatica (http://edramatica.com/Suicide#How_to_Off_Yourself) as "the awesome": one glues his hands to his head and jumps off of some height with cheese cutter over his neck; this results in someone finding a body of someone who looks as if he ripped his head off with his bare hands.
• ...

See Also

• ACK
• ragequit

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